Sponsor Grandma's Coffin

I'm Marlene Kowalczyk. I'm 91. According to a man with a clipboard, I don't have long. I've told him I'm busy.

The grandkids aren't paying for the funeral. So I'm doing what everyone does now. I'm selling it. The lid. The handles. The eulogy. The walker, while I'm still leaning on it.

Buy a spot and here's what you get:

• Your logo on my coffin. Pay, add your logo, and it's on the coffin on this page with your tagline and link, until someone pays more.
• Your logo on the day. Hold the spot when the line goes flat and it's yours for the service.
• Content, too. If this goes anywhere, so does your logo. Screenshots, posts, the lot. That part is real.

Every spot opens at $10 and doubles every time it changes hands. Pay more if you want to make a point. Get outbid and you're not refunded. Your logo goes to the graveyard with the others.

This is satire. Marlene is made up. There's no coffin, no funeral, and nobody dying on a schedule. The money is real, the placement on this page is real, and so is the screenshot. USDC on Solana or Base. No refunds.